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Wednesday, 15 December 2010

I feel

   So Lonely

   Disconnected

   Alone

   Like Those Who Were Close

   Drifted Away

   Found New Friends

Better Friends

I Want

   To Go Back To The Way It Was

To Sit With You All

To Be With You All

To Laugh With You All

Just Like Before

One More Time

A Man

  Who I Can Talk To

  Who I Can Hang With

  Who I Can Die With

A Woman

   I Can Call My Own

   I Can Hold When It's Cold

   And Even When It's Warm

Anyone To Understand How I feel

I Miss

Everything

Everybody

What Used To Be Us

Our Laughs

   Tears

Please

Give Me One More Day.

Thursday, 04 February 2010

Currently
Blue Moon: The Immortals
By Alyson Noel
see related
Strange... or not.

Strangly enough, or maybe not strange at all, I thought today was a beautiful day. As I walked home from where my bus dropped me off, I looked up at the sky. Today is one of the clearest days we had in a while. The sun was bright, shining, the king of the sky. It looked beautiful, undiluted by the normal mass of clouds usually covering it. The birds were singing. Took me a while to notice though admittedly. It made me feel happy. I wonder where birds go when the migrate south. But anyway, as I walked home, I felt nothing besides the chill in the air and the warm rays that the sun shone down, I heard nothing but the chirping of birds, the howling of the wind, and the soft crunch of snow beneath my feet... Then a truck drove by and a plane took off overhead.

Humanity is destroying simple pleasures.

Monday, 21 December 2009

Even though i have nothing against interracial...

Asian guys and asian girls were normal. Then white guys took our girls and I was tight. Then Hispanic guys took our girls and i was shocked. Then black guys took our girls and I was mind fucked. What's left for us after the lesbians get a turn?

Saturday, 31 October 2009

Currently
Kingdom Hearts II
By Square Enix
see related
Overwhelming Distance. Straining Bonds.

Over the course of about two weeks, I have been observing the people around me. Assessing, analyzing, wondering, pondering. I've noticed the differences in personality of some people since the time we met. Wondering how our lives would have been different if each individual person did not exist.

Also, I have been thinking on the changes each person's interest has turned to. Everyone has attached themselves to a specific group. No, I am not referring to the big group of people we "hang out" with. Within that large group, people divide into their own little groups. I digress. I must say that I can't seem to find out which group I belong to.

Everyone's groups have their own little things, their own little secrets, their own little history. But I am not included. I feel my friendships thinning. People who I have hung out with before has gone their own way, done their own thing. Don't get me wrong, I care for everyone, I just don't think we are as close as we were.

I care for everyone, maybe none feel that way towards me. But I don't mind it being one sided. I don't mind at all.

I don't fit in anymore. I don't understand what everyone thinks is funny. It's all the same old, "That's what she said" or "Mah Penis" jokes. I don't understand their humor. Of course I laugh. I'm used to it already. Someone says something meant to be funny. Laugh. But inside it doesn't amuse me as it used to.

Am I becoming more mature? I doubt it. I play Maplestory for Christsake.

On another note
I'm beating Eric, 27 to 16

Sunday, 18 October 2009

Currently
Comatose
By Skillet
The Last Night
see related
Indescribability

Lately I am completely unsure of the heading in my life. I've been wanting to be an architect ever since I was at the height of Charlene. But I am pretty sure I have lost intrest in that and gone on to Illustration. Which, I also am rapidly losing my intrest in. Don't get me wrong, I still love to draw, but I can't seem to see what happens after/if I get into art school. What then?

SnapGrades is saying that i have a B+ for Health, and a D-,D,D+ for Japanese,Physics, and Math respectively. SnapGrades happened to delete the english section so I don't know how I am doing. And Steiker never put her grade up but I am reletively confident on that front. I'm pretty sure that everyone agrees my grades are shit. I don't disagree with them, but this is probably the first time I didn't fail a class in a marking period. Unless i failed gym. (o.o)

I've been growing continually distant from my friends and family. Not that I was that close to my family in the first place, but even more so. As always, there are a few exceptions, but all in all, distancing.

There are those days which i just think about my life as a whole. Junior year sucks. Those I thought I am pretty close with, are they really that close? And I wonder which side of me is the true me? I don't mind it. I will put on my continually smiling facade wherever I go. Just so you know, just because I am not smiling it does not mean I am sad or mad whatsoever.

I can't seem to get it out of my mind, the overall iffyness I know people feel. And the fact that people can't seem to just talk to me about it. You know who you are. You know who it regards. Confront me. Make me believe I have a reason to answer your questions and I will. Straight up.

Xanga huh? I always wondered at the purpose of this website. I still do.