Lately I am completely unsure of the heading in my life. I've been wanting to be an architect ever since I was at the height of Charlene. But I am pretty sure I have lost intrest in that and gone on to Illustration. Which, I also am rapidly losing my intrest in. Don't get me wrong, I still love to draw, but I can't seem to see what happens after/if I get into art school. What then?

SnapGrades is saying that i have a B+ for Health, and a D-,D,D+ for Japanese,Physics, and Math respectively. SnapGrades happened to delete the english section so I don't know how I am doing. And Steiker never put her grade up but I am reletively confident on that front. I'm pretty sure that everyone agrees my grades are shit. I don't disagree with them, but this is probably the first time I didn't fail a class in a marking period. Unless i failed gym. (o.o)

I've been growing continually distant from my friends and family. Not that I was that close to my family in the first place, but even more so. As always, there are a few exceptions, but all in all, distancing.

There are those days which i just think about my life as a whole. Junior year sucks. Those I thought I am pretty close with, are they really that close? And I wonder which side of me is the true me? I don't mind it. I will put on my continually smiling facade wherever I go. Just so you know, just because I am not smiling it does not mean I am sad or mad whatsoever.

I can't seem to get it out of my mind, the overall iffyness I know people feel. And the fact that people can't seem to just talk to me about it. You know who you are. You know who it regards. Confront me. Make me believe I have a reason to answer your questions and I will. Straight up.

Xanga huh? I always wondered at the purpose of this website. I still do.

I don't know if it is the overwhelming schoolwork we all are getting, but ive been seeing a whole lot of pangs of depression from people lately. Usually, i would say this is normal, considering this all constitutes under our high school drama section of our teenage years.

Lately however, i have found myself unable to do anything about these people's problems. Usually i would just find some way to sort out their problems or at the very least cheer them up. (probably skills i got from Kenny over the years)

But these days, i have always asked "what's the matter" or "tell me what's wrong" and people have always replied "don't worry about it/me" or with a slight shake of their head.

Can i do nothing to help? Or am i simply not trusted enough to be told the situations?

P.S. Lately i've been thinking about all of my friends. One of my greatest fears is being lonely. Friendless. etc. I've been having those times where i would be with a group of people yet i would still feel lonely. It makes me wonder.

I wonder who would still be my friends 2 years from now. When we all go off to college. Who would keep in touch? Who would disappear from my life?